Haemorrhage
by SeungSeiRan
Summary: To bleed without restraint. Julia-centric.


Just some random pieces of writing

**Disclaimer:** I don't Tekken. Namco does.

_~*~1~*~_

There are too many things on my mind. None of which would scar you in the slightest. Your skin's as tough as armor, unlike mine. I always bruised easily until I learnt how to hide from the attack. It still bleeds when they cut me up but nothing that I can't disguise.

You claim that the color of one's skin has no bearing on the colors within one's heart. Yet you talk so proudly of the red in your veins. Red was what the outsiders proclaimed you and your race, red is what your tribe came to embody. Red is the color of blood which keeps you alive and well. Red is the color of the fire that fuels your will to survive. Red is what kept you from slipping away from danger on the battle-field. Red… so violent, so passionate, so _angry_. I wish I could eat away your frustration. **I wish that I could have been better than I was**. But it's hard when I tend to stray.

I'm not unfaithful.

But I'll wander.

There are no shackles that keep me bound to you. No umbilical cord tied me to your womb. I'm just a stray myself, one which consumed you in pity for me. The helpless creature wrapped in threadbare sheet, laid bare and open to the land. We, the abandoned, are often like corpses in this respect. Like a corpse, I died once before you brought me to life. I was dead to the mother who cast me off, dead to her memory, like gangrene being eliminated from her wound. I was a mistake and you refused to see that. If I could wipe away every single trace of my existence from your memories, I would.

I always hurt the ones I love.

Love hurts but it's a hurt that keeps me alive.

_Red._

I'd rather I die than put you through this. Wrap me up in a cold cocoon of silk and let me sleep until spring arrives. I am but a humble caterpillar, still awaiting metamorphosis. My wings have been denied, so my will to fly has been stunted. I've ascended far too high to be seen no matter how loud I sing. Down below, my red-skinned compatriots, _family_, await my coward's return. I ran off because I didn't belong. They were the hunters, I was their mare who wanted a taste of the wind between my teeth.

And maybe I'd rather leave it as it is.

Just so you know, I do hear you when you call out. I do come down for you when you need me and I'll always keep one eye out for you. The other will always wander about my surroundings, searching for answers and keeping me in fear of those who would skin me alive just to feed their own pleasure. If I fight, they call me an animal. If I don't, I am useless. I'll come see you when it's dark, beneath the night sky.

So rest easy, Mother.

_~*~2~*~_

If there ever was a poison that invaded my system, it would have been you. You could have been my hero, my knight in black shining armor. Who knows. We would have been right for each other. We could have made a miracle out of nothing.

_Would have. Could have._

I guess I was never enough. I guess I was dreaming again.

But with eyes like yours, I should have never looked back. You wanted my heart and I couldn't let you pick the lock. I made you work for what you needed so that must have been the knife that severed us apart. You wanted innocence and I was too jaded. You told me you cared and I couldn't bring myself to believe it. And I remember how you once saw your mother in my eyes. A moment of warmth in the brief second in which I _did _love you.

Despite all you protest, you stopped growing the day she left.

You alone knew where to find me. It took one good hider to find another. Your taciturnity is your main attraction. The same trait doesn't suit me well. Women always desire a man that they can change. Like clay in their hands. To mould, to shape, to design according to their whims. I never craved for the simple because it was your complexity that seduced me. Shallow waters offer me little temptation when I could drown in the depths of your darkness. But you weren't clay, you were stone, strong and unable to yield. If I tried to chip away at your faults to bring out your beauty, you may have crumbled.

I was afraid that you'd break in my hands.

Without me, you were strong. So it seemed.

Then I heard you shatter and scream for help. I was too far to help. You melted, not because of a woman but because you never gave in to your release. Guilt kept your wings clipped. It was only a matter of time that you broke free of their clutches.

I loved you, I adored you, more than any of them clamoring for your attention could. I thought that passion could never fade like paint. I assumed that you were invincible. I blame no one except you and me.

I wish that you could have let go of the thorn in your eye. **I wished that I could have been the cure for your cancer. **

You keep me here, far away from your throne, chained to the guilt that binds me to your undoing. If it's your ache, it is indeed my ache. Make me your slave, no affection required as long as I have time to free us both of each other. You wished for a girl that could save you from yourself. Here I remain, a woman who attained your heart too soon. My love for you has faded to rust. A far cry from those days we shared but still there.

Hold on, Jin.

_~*~3~*~_

The first time I met you was at a bar. Nothing happened.

The second time was in an arena filled to the brim with legions of your loyal fans. You won because you deserved to attain victory more than I did. I was young, weak and hopeless. As if I had a chance against your brute strength and mettle.

The third time round and… you were different.

Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. Death changes people in more ways than one. It made you hang on tighter to that mask of yours. Instead of privacy you wanted, it was security that you needed this time. I have seen what death does to people who still breathe. You were afflicted with grief and anger. That was more than I could bear. The body that had once shone in the limelight now bent and hunched over a photograph. You cradled your pain, nursed it like a baby except with a bottle of the strongest drink you could find.

I'd seen that pain in many eyes before yours.

The last thing I needed was for it to infect me. That was why I kept my distance.

I watched from afar as you succumbed to your vice. Not the alcohol, it was the rage. Rage is like love. It drives us to the brink of insanity too soon before we realize we've jumped off the edge. How ironic that a man so close to God – an admirable trait, even if it is one that I don't possess – should embrace such a sin as wrath. If you had still prayed, I suppose you would have only asked for one thing from him: revenge.

Vengeance, I think, is the stuff that drives people past their breaking points. If it is to see their enemies bleed, they can even transcend time or blood ties in order for that to happen.

You used to fight for a noble cause while I selfishly brandished my abilities to protect what was mine. You fought for people, your fans, little children who idolized you and strangers who just gawped at the extent of your showmanship. I couldn't go beyond helping those few who had my complete trust.

So here I am, following in your footsteps and fighting for a reason that encompasses the realm of mankind.

The last time we fought, you won again. Although, I was proud that I'd gotten further than before. I performed my duty towards you, uttered those pleading words that would hopefully bring you to your senses and fought the fear of turning back against you. You aren't an idol any more than I am a martyr. But you are human, despite what others dub you, and you are riddled with flaws. Your heart is still as big as you are, perhaps bigger than that. Any man would have been shamed had they seen what lay behind the mask. If only… **I could have told you sooner.**

Keep your head up, King. Your fight is far from over.

_~*~4~*~_

Family is the main reason why most of us break in the first place. Blood ties often double as cages. But since I have none to speak of, most assume that _I _must be relatively sane. Truth is, I am always, _always_, the exception to every rule. I have no known family living or dead to speak of. Friends are the family that I choose. Makes them easier to discard once we have to part. Most of them, anyway. You, on the other hand, were never expendable. Barely even deserving of such a vile term.

My best friend, my soul sister, the one I can always count on to be _listened _to instead of being dumb for a change. You never laugh, you never judge and for that, I am grateful. More than you'll ever know.

The worst feeling in the world takes over you when you watch your friend break. The sound of someone else's crying is the worst sound in the world.

Such a beautiful girl, so beautiful on the inside that it brings me to tears. If I had to sacrifice a part of my pride to see you smile again, I would have swallowed the entire humble pie without a single complaint. I wonder why the most beautiful girls always attract the most horrible creatures in the end. If it the girl hadn't been you, I would've praised any deity for the fact that I was born plain.

All I can do is wipe your tears away as I hide my own. I'll sing you lullabies to soothe you to sleep whilst I lie awake and face your pain. I will continue to smile for you until the day that you're strong enough to soar like the butterflies we used to chase as children. Courage is a blessing that does not count me in on its benefits. I've always treaded fearfully so that I don't sink. But if you drown, I shall jump in and save you the best way I can. For you, the first one by my side when I've been struck and the last one to leave when the war is over. Courage becomes you. I can only sit and watch in awe as my rigid lines of severity are transformed to curving flows of beauty on your form.

I've been told that I envy you.

You know what? I laughed.

Lies, lies, all lies.

When he arrives, I shall tell him about how foolish he's been to leave someone like you alone. Loneliness is one thing that could never suit you, Christie. You were never meant to be a island like me, isolated and separate from the mainland. For an orphan like me, it's friends like you that remind me that I am indeed more than an abandoned refuse of mistakes. With you, I'm free to fly without the fear of being shot down. **If only I could** **make you see that as well as I can…**

_~*~5~*~_

Strength.

I have been told that I am the embodiment of it. Of the mind, heart and soul.

It's hard… living up to that image. So I've stopped trying and just let it come naturally to me. Few people have seen that side of me, the part of me that would never hesitate to protect the vulnerable or dishonored. Shyness doesn't have to mean weakness. Sometimes, brashness is just a cover for false courage. Most of the time, the weakest among us are those that depend solely on the attentions paid by others to survive.

From the very first time that we met, I knew that independence wouldn't count as one of your positives. Of course, it wasn't like you needed it anyway. You had the looks, the sparkle, the pristine innocence, all the popularity that little girls like you ever dreamed of…

That's right… _little girl_…

You must have thought of friends as collectibles to have so many at one time. Glittery, plastic, fake little friends who kept your ego inflated far above your actual worth. No doubt, you were scared to be left alone and you ended up as the leech feeding on others to survive. Where would you be were it not for your coterie of blind followers who preferred the circus you displayed rather than the person behind it? All style, no substance.

You knew that better than anyone else. I was the only one who cared to perceive the shivering form behind the act.

You know, **I could have helped you.** I could have shown you how to peel off those layers of artificiality to reveal the best you could have been. You were the one who refused to let go. What else could I have expected from someone so spineless that they couldn't stand on their own two feet? You made me your scapegoat for everything that went against your will and command. I was the crutch you leaned on, I was the bully who made you fall and scrape your knees. I was the mean nasty bitch who brought you down to your level, kicking and screaming.

Don't forget that it was you who drew first blood.

Don't forget that it was you tried to turn those I loved against me. Don't you _ever _forget how they shot you down because of your twisted self-absorbed fantasies.

You were afraid of reality and you refused to admit that I could stand strong without any help. The mirror on the wall showed you the truth. An ugly truth which must have stung your eyes at the sight. As expected, you ran off wailing to the whole world about how much your petty issues matter. You'll have the majority on your side. Blame that on how easy they find you to open and split. They're all like you. They all fear anything that isn't material and can't be bought with looks. The pixie dust will fade someday and the paint will peel off to expose who you truly are.

But for now, all they lust for is your glitter and not pure gold.

Pathetic, isn't it, Xiaoyu?

_~*~6~*~_

Oh Brother of mine… if I can call you that. Even if it isn't blood that binds us together, it will always be your smile that reminds me of a place I could call home. Home is where your heart lies. Your heart reminds me that I have one to call my own.

I'll always remember you fondly, whether I live tomorrow or die today.

It's a harsh world we live in, where poetic prose blooms in the most outlandish of landscapes. Sunsets tire me nowadays. I'm almost like a plant in the manner that I _need _the sun as much as they do. Would you picture me as a flower girl in your mind please and try not to laugh? For there was once a time when I was green and innocent as a nymph in the trees. Is it too much to ask that you run away with me for a while? Away from today, tomorrow and the rest of the days ahead of us.

Could we, at least, pretend that we are okay?

I'm not asking you to be my hero. I just want to know if you'll catch me when I finally fall.

Sometimes… I close my eyes and **wish for you to understand. **Understand that you are anything but a monster. Trust me, I know better. I may look young but my soul's light years ahead of you, love. Show me your scars. See? No monster signs. You're perfectly human and doing a damn fine job at it.

Look at those storm clouds above us. I'm not scared of them. But I'm scared that someone I know might get struck by a bolt of lightning. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't have to. Just as long as you're listening, okay?

Ever since this war began, summer seems so far off. Was I dreaming my whole childhood? What do you think?

Whatever happens in the end, would you still be _there_?

Please don't hate me if I break into pieces. You're one the few that really takes me as I am and still finds something to smile about. Mother is the root that keeps me grounded, Christie is the rain that cleanses my dirt-stained cheeks clean and you… you're my rainbow. After the storm's over, I know you'll be right there for me with that lovely smile in your eyes. No matter how dark it gets, you'll always try and guide me home.

Steve… it doesn't matter if you bleed. It means that you're human. To be human is to feel. Know that you'll always have a home with me. Know that I'll always love you just as any sister would love her big brother. Please don't lose faith in yourself. You are braver than you think, stronger than you know and more cared for than you feel.

Always remember that, love.

_~*~7~*~_

I still wear the bracelet you gave me.

You, out of everyone, should have known better than to fall. I am too difficult, too complicated, far too much for anyone to unravel. I was born to wander, you never could have expected me to remain. Neither did I expect the same from you. But even the most restless of spirits desire peace. We should have known better than to cast caution to the winds and rush through flames high as the sky.

When the fall came and the trees laid themselves bare, I met you.

You.

You, indefinable creature that you are, your heart so jagged and weary. Me, a plain enigma in the making, my soul aching for the very thing that had me captivated from the start.

_Belonging._

In your eyes, I caught a glimpse of what yesterday would have been with you. You sang to me with a voice tinged with the same wound that I carried in my soul. I became yours. Not a friend, lover or even a confidante. All I knew was that I was yours and you were mine. My very own you, your very own me. For once in your life, you could sleep peacefully in my arms as I would take my turn lulling you to slumber. I won't forget the time you found me alone and brooding. Without a word, you had me by my mouth and on my back where you lead me to sweet painless delirium.

We were both terrible at love. Both too clumsy to juggle mending hearts so we left it at that.

Love is… love. We left it at that.

Your wounds were hard to close. You chose bravado over sympathy to barge through barriers. My mending heart empathized. Another one who hid, not from others but from himself. You, my soldier in battered armor aren't afraid of the world. You aren't afraid to walk alone. The only thing you fear is fear itself. You fear that what we have could shatter. You fear for my safety and sanity when I'm with you. I fear for your stability. You always kept yourself strong for my sake.

I… you.

Fill in the blank, my heart.

If I could, I'd hide you under the shadows where no one could find you and mar your skin. I'd wash you clean with my own tears and fill your heart with my own blood if I had to. Anything, _anything _to keep you alive. Anything to keep you here with me.

You laughed and told me I was wasting my time.

I couldn't reply… your lips beat mine to it. Is that how you say goodbye?

**If I had only made you stay.**

Because we could never walk the same paths alone. I still feel your warm palms cupping my face when I lay my head down to rest. I still believe in every word you sang to me. That you'd make it through… that you'd stay alive… that you'd do anything just to see me again.

I still have the bracelet you gave me, Hwoarang.

_~*~8~*~_

Hemorrhage

To bleed profusely, without appearing to cease

I bleed

Because

_i_

**am**

human

Little me, poor me, insignificant me

Yet I feel no pity for me

All I want is

**Understanding**

_Coherency_

_**Empathy**_

**Devotion**

_**Reliability**_

_Friendship_

**Love**

I ask for nothing

I give everything I can

**Vent**

Realize

_Listen to my heart…_


End file.
